Cabin fever

The Lizard is a frequent flyer, so when the Ryanair depressurisation incident hit the news-stands it gave the Lizard pause for thought.

We’ve all sat through the pre-flight chat from the cabin staff about how if deprerssurisation occurs masks will drop down, to then hold them over ones face and breathe normally. Well we now know from passengers on the flight that normal was nowhere in sight.

The Lizard decided to find out more.

Passenger planes fly at altitudes of over 30,000ft. Up in the stratosphere there is so little oxygen that humans only have about twelve seconds before they start to become disoriented, pass out and eventually die. Presumably in a plane the time frame is a little longer – but not by much.

When cabin pressure fails the pilot executes a well-rehearsed procedure.

He needs to get the plane down from the normal cruising altitude to around 8,000ft feet where passengers can breathe normally. The only problem is he doesn’t have long as the emergency oxygen supply only last for about twelve minutes. As a result, the plane is put into a five minute, white-knuckle dive.

During the Ryanair incident passengers complained that nobody told them what was going on. Given the emergency and the fact that both the crew and the cabin staff were wearing face masks this was hardly surprising.

The Lizard listened to one of the passengers on Radio 4’s Today programme. Pen Hadow, an arctic explorer, said that there was no warning and that most passengers thought they were going to die, but he also claimed that the oxygen supply from the face masks didn’t work.

Ryanair claim there was oxygen but that the flow is very light and not easy to detect.

Because of the steep descent many of the passengers suffered damage to their ears – whether this is long term or just temporary is unclear.

In any one year about six of these events take place.

So perhaps next time you fly you’ll pay a little more attention to that tedious pre-flight announcement.

The Lizard makes no claim to be an expert on this matter - if you know more get in touch.

Raffles 2 is up and running

The Lizard get’s word from out East that the Industry Wide Exercise (codenamed Raffles 2) in Singapore is underway.

It’s co-sponsors are The Association of Banks in Singapore (“ABS”) and The Monetary Authority of Singapore (“MAS”). As we reported in an earlier blog, the scenario is based on an outbreak of pandemic flu.

An exercise communication (click here to see it) indicates that a practical drill will take place on 5th September.

Those of a nervous disposition are warned they may see bankers donning specialist protective clothing (after all those large lunches, XXXL versions are apparently in short supply) and customers visiting financial institutions may be forced to have their temperature taken. You have been warned.

Pandemic risk

The Lizard is interested to see that the National Risk Register has just published a report that puts a flu pandemic at the top of the charts, riding high above terrorism and flooding as potential risks that might afflict the UK. They warn 750,000 people could lose their lives.

Number 10 commissioned the study following the launch of the Register in March.

Fear of a pandemic has rather dropped out of the news of late so it’s interesting that the powers that be continue to see it as the major threat.

In recent years Crisis Solutions have done a huge amount of work with Banks and Supermarkets in an effort to help them prepare for a pandemic.

If this is a concern for your organisation and evidently it should be then go to our website and take advantage of our free FluPlanner. Click here

Welsh karaoke

In response to the last blog on political gaffes, Red Dragon – he may be Welsh – says if you really want the good stuff look no further than John Redwood’s famous attempt to sing the Welsh national anthem when Secretary of State for Wales. Go here to see it and have a go at singing along yourself.

"No Comment, but don't quote me" Dan Quayle

The holiday season is upon us, the politicians are away and the country can settle back calm in the knowledge that no one is in charge.

That being the case let’s turn the spotlight on our political masters – particularly on some of the things they say.

Let’s start with the political put down. The master was Winston Churchill who described Clement Atlee as “a sheep in sheep’s clothing,” and “a modest man with so much to be modest about.”

He said of Stafford Cripps the humourless Labour Chancellor, “there but for the grace of God goes God.”

He also had his brushes with women. Lady Astor said to him "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison." To which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it."

But of course what we really love is the gaffe, the moment when the foot becomes firmly lodged in the mouth.

Sadly John Prescott is no longer deputy PM, but he had his moments.
“The green belt is a Labour achievement and we mean to build on it.”

And his boss, Tony Blair, famously said, “I never make predictions. I never have and I never will.”

Let us not forget John Major, Mr Blair’s predecessor, who knew how to confront his detractors. “When your back’s against the wall, all you can do is turn around and fight.”

As Anne Robinson discovered, being rude to the Welsh is a risky business, but sometimes you have to live dangerously, “They’re all the same. They’re short. They’re fat and they are fundamentally corrupt.” Rod Richards, Welsh Office Minister, on Welsh Labour councillors.

But no list such as this would be complete without a couple of Bushisms. Where does one begin? Perhaps, “If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.”

Or, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

But let’s leave the last word to Richard Nixon to sum up what must ultimately be most politicians view of the electorate,

“The voters have spoken – the bastards.”

If you’ve got a favourite political quote – drop the Lizard a line.

A word from our mixologist

The head barman at The Crisis Lounge has come up with a snappy line to promote the bar.

“The Crisis Lounge continues to be great value - providing optimum added-value quick wins in an upcoming going forward way.”

Where does he get these expressions from?

Nick’s Dad

The various blogs on workplace jargon have spawned quite a debate. Nick, one of the regulars in The Crisis Lounge, told his dad about it and dad has responded in magnificent style.

Not only has he itemised some real screamers, but he has done us all a favour by suggesting alternative usage. He works in a press office and when any of the offending words or phrases in the left hand column are used, a fine of 50p is enforced.

• Beacon - leading light
• Sustainable - long term
• Cross-cutting - working together
• Fast-track - move rapidly
• Output – results
• Step change - go up a gear
• Single point of contact - one person to help
• Facilitate - make possible / help / aid / assist
• Evidence based - proof / research shows
• Vision - idea / plan / report
• Scoping - researching / investigating / studying
• Early win - will rapidly benefit / help
• Quick win - will rapidly benefit / help
• Quick hit - will rapidly benefit / help
• Level playing field - give everyone an equal opportunity
• Capacity - ability / size
• Incentivising - spur / encouragement
• Scaled-back - shrink / reduce / cut
• Menu of options - choice
• Tested for soundness - ideas that work
• Income / funding streams - cash
• Revenue streams - cash
• Transparency - clarity
• Welcome - necessary and needed
• Multi-disciplinary - many groups working together
• Meaningful consultation / dialogue - discussing with people
• Empowerment - give people the chance
• Signpost - pointers
• Community engagement - talking to local people
• Improvement levers - ways to change people's lives for the better
• Streamlined - modernise / update
• Risk-based - carefully judged
• Slippage - delays
• Guidelines - plans
• Value-added - giving better value / more for your money