Communication breakdown

The Lizard is a bit old school when it comes to spelling and grammar. He is of the opinion that the language of Shakespeare should be treated with respect.

At Crisis Solutions some of the Lizard’s colleagues say he’s a bit of a pedant on the subject and argue that, as long as communication flows, a hanging apostrophe is nothing to get upset about.

So it was with undisguised joy that some less than caring members of Crisis Solutions were able to hoist the Lizard on his own petard. Here’s the story.

The Lizard produces videos to enhance our crisis simulation exercises. Recently we were employed to run such a simulation on behalf of a government department.

The scenario revolved around the topical issue of lost documents, a leak of information and the subsequent loss of confidence in the department.

Unfortunately on a video caption the Lizard saw fit to spell Leak – Leek. So in effect a large Welsh vegetable was undermining one of the great departments of state. Something it may take the Lizard a while to live down.

Bugs life

Here at Crisis Solutions fuel distribution, the lack of fuel, the cost of fuel and indeed all things fuel related seem to be occupying our time.

Come to think of it the last time you filled up your car your credit card probably thought it was undergoing some form of crisis or trauma.

Well step forward Andy, the technical supremo at Crisis Solutions, who spotted an article in The Times last week that might just solve our problems.

Now before I go any further I should point out that we are nowhere near 1st April nor are we yet in what my newspaper chums call the silly season, but blimey this is an odd one.

Apparently, and this is The Times talking, scientists in California are genetically modifying bugs, (that’s as technical as the Lizard gets – don’t forget he just eats them) then feeding them agricultural waste such as woodchips or wheat straw and then they do something (and I apologise for the revolting image this conjures up) – they poo petrol. Whether it’s four star, diesel or two stroke the article doesn’t say.

But is does point out that to substitute America’s weekly oil consumption of 143 million barrels, you would need quite a few of these bugs – actually as many as you could jam into a facility that covered about 205 square miles, an area roughly the size of Chicago.

Well as the old saying (nearly) goes, where there’s bugs there’s brass and there are clearly a lot of people trying to make money out of this, trying to up their bottom line I suppose.

But there is something about this that’s really bugging me, when you buy your sleek new BMW or SUV are you really going to be happy filling it full of bug poo?

If you still need to know more about this, and if you do then you probably need help, you can read The Times article here.

Crisis comms

At Crisis Solutions we like to think we operate at the cutting edge of crisis management. To that end the Lizard would like to introduce you to the latest thinking in crisis communications…POETRY!

Here’s Wendy Cope on:

How to deal with the press
She’ll urge you to confide. Resist.
Be careful, courteous and cool.
Never trust a journalist.

‘We’re off the record’, she’ll insist.
If you believe her, you’re a fool.
She’ll urge you to confide. Resist.

Should you tell her who you’ve kissed,
You’ll see it all in print, and you’ll
Never trust a journalist

Again. The words are hers to twist,
And yours the risk of ridicule.
She’ll urge you to confide. Resist.

‘But X is nice,’ the publicist
Will tell you. ‘We were friends at school.’
Never trust a journalist,

Hostile, friendly, sober, pissed,
Male or female - that’s the rule.
When tempted to confide, resist.
Never trust a journalist.